Friday, July 12, 2013

24 tahun.

aku tenang di sini
setelah sekian lama masa berlalu
aku tetap tenang di sini
saban hari kulalui
ada tawa, ada airmata
24 tahun aku tenang di sini.

aku bukan sekuntum mawar,
dihias indah dan dipamer
kubukanlah sekuntum bunga
disunting tatkala mekar,
dibaja supaya merimbun

aku masih tenang di sini,
walau tanpa teman dan kamu
24 tahun aku tenang di sini.

hatiku masih milikku,
belum pernah diusik,
belum pernah dijenguk,
dijaga penuh cermat dan kasih.

aku tetap tenang di sini
tanpa perhatian, cuma hatiku sendiri
24 tahun aku tenang di sini.

ren. july,11 2013.11:05

Friday, February 15, 2013

les miserable

current feelings? miserable. fuh!! i'm tired of this routine already. going as you pleased.leaving whenever you feels like. am i the pathetic one? for not having any other friends than you? blah!!

ok.last week you leave me alone while my temperature's about 29 degree.ok.maybe you have some urgent matter to tend. fine. afterall, i can stay home alone.and i'm big girl already. but going back home only before 8 pm sure is something. what urgent matters need your whole day? morning to night? turns out you only hang around with your so-called friend doing dull activities. excuse me, did u realize i'm having fever and alone at home? and i'm starving too. duh!!

when i show that i'm angry, no reaction whatsoever from you.ok. no 'are you okay?' courtesy. you just come in, do your own things and went to sleep. fine. because i'm not like you, i talk it out first. i talk it like a lady talks. so i can hear all your excuses. i'm giving you the chance to tell me your excuses. still, am i the witch here? you give me crap that no one can send you home. blahhh!! don't go out if you dunno your way home. even my little bro know that basic knowledge.

ok.forget that weeks ago matter. return to this morning matter. last night i already said i wanna make nasi lemak today. and u seems thrill. ok. i'll cook. i wake up, and straight entering the kitchen after my bath. to cook nasi lemak as promised. i cook wholeheartedly even i'm not that good in cooking.

so, when i'm setting the table and ask you to come and eat, you just walk pass the kitchen saying 'i'm going out'. ok. i ask you to eat first before going out. your answer really piss me. 'nda mau la.lewat sda ne. nanti la tu.' hello, only bitch say something like that to others, ok. since i'm he bitch here, so only i can say that to people. but how could u utter that words confidently at me who's sitting on the kitchen with my nasi lemak? if u have urgent matters to attend at that exact time, tell it properly. refuse my invitation politely. you have good manners, right? don't make the 'did-i-tell-you-to-cook-for-me' face, okay? that pisses me off.

ok.last night your friend come. no objection from me. even if i have to wear tudung in my own house. it's okay. since he's a friend. but how can you people make me feel so awkward in my own house? lying together playing some stupid games??duh!! if u wanna do such things, do it outside the house. i pay half of the rent,okay? so why do i have to be idle and feel like the third wheel in this house? i cant look at the way you and your friend act. it is so scandalous. even i act all wild and free, i'm very conservative when it comes to women-men relationship. my realigion said do not touch the non-muhrin men. don't even show my aurat to them. and it irritates me when you both act all close and laughing in my house.i don't like that and i can't see that in front of my eyes. it goes away from my principles. and drinking straight from my water bottle without using a glass? the water that i'll drink later? duh!! i'm disgusted with my self.

ok.i'm really a bitch for saying this.but what else can i do? i'm tired of being super nice and overlook everything you did that intentionally hurts me even if u said u did it unconscious. not even a sorry word. well, if i hurt you and i know i did, i did say sorry, didn't i? i said sorry to you everytime i think that u're hurt cuz of my words. even i only say honest things and the truth, when i realize that hurts you, i did apologize.

hello, i'm suppose to be the bitch and the witch.but why i can apologize to you but you can''t? you think it is pointless to apologize to a bitch?do you think it's worthless? gosh!! i'm so mad. i dunno how to react when you come back home later.and i hope u really do have super urgent matters to attend for leaving me in front of my served table.

ok.i'll continue watching movie. just so you know, i already blacklisted this friend of yours.i don't really like him to begin with. and i'm sure he didn't like me too. he just bearing with me since i'm a friend of you. so, we're even, doncha think so? hate me all you want for writing this post.but this is my honest thought. since you hate hearing my honest words and you hate saying the truth.

p/s: whatever will be, will be~~