heart. heartless.

apa?? kau ingat urg becinta jak ka ble terluka hati?? mentang2 la aku teda chenta hati, jd kamu pikir hati aku nda ble terluka la?? beh! kalau kamu terluka sna, ada aku kasi ketawa kamu?? even aku rasa stupid mna pun benda tu, still i respect how you feel.

susah ka mau terima kenyataan yg aku ne manusia biasa jugak?? kalik sudah terbiasa ne di treat mcm robot, jd kamu pun lupa sda yg aku ne pun human being. human being yg ada jiwa dan benda bernama 'heart' bentuk love. dush!!!

realistic la sikit.kita hidup dlm masyarakat. jgn asyik pikir pasal diri sendiri. kamon la. urg lain pun kena konsider jugak bha. jgn la bha asyik2 urg jak yg kena consider your feeling, abes, kau bila pulak mau consider perasaan urg lain??

i'm tired being the doll here. u treat me as if i'm heartless. maybe in your eyes i seems like a heartless bitch. but trust me, I'M NOT!! remember that. is that so difficult to keep in your mind that i'm also a human being, just like the others? why do i receive different treatment? why? i'm also your friend! i'm not a betrayer or an enemy.

things getting worst.you just runaway.go wherever u wanna go. bitching to the people around you. you should be grateful that u have lots of love and you have everything by your side. be grateful n praise the LORD. don't make that as an excuse for you to feel greater that other. what make u think you're the greatest, actually? i didn't treat people differently. i talk everything in my mind. even if it is shit, i still tell you. even if you are my friend, i won't hold back to make you feel better or not to break your heart. i'm not that i-won't-hurt-your-feeling bitch-type. i'm sorry for that.

so, do tell me my wrong part.what did i do to make me receive this treatment from somebody i call 'friend'?? i'm a loner. u should know that, people. i hate bergaul mesra or beramah mesra or whatever terms that people use, but i hate socializing myself. i always love to stay in my room watching anime while people partying outside. that is me. i'm that bitch-type. so don't expect me to roll around and smiling to all people. so, what is that means?? I ONLY HAVE A FEW people that i can call FRIENDS.

i'm good in enduring everything. i kept enduring everything cuz i think all these things that happen in the past were some stupid acts or just some mistake made by some mere human being.but if i kept enduring all these in my love-shaped heart, what will happen to me?? i can feel the hurts in my chest. my chest hurts so much n it's killing me but no one ever care. what you ever care?? as long as you see everything is alright in your eyes, the everything's alright. never once ever bother to consider the situation of my love-shaped heart.

another little fact. i treasure my friends just like i treasure a family. once i call you a friend, a true friend of mine, then you're a family. so, i can't stand it when my family hurts me. if just some outsiders or some beggars swearing at me, i still can smile even how hurts their words are. that won't make me so down that my chest hurts. but, when a family does that, i'm suffocating. my heart hurt so much that i can't even think rationally.

so, make it clear to me either you are my family or just some people walking around and talk to me. cuz i never get the chance to ask you that, so i assume that you are a family. my mistake. maybe i misjudge our relationship. but surely, i take you as my true friend all these time. trust me.

i'm not a two-face bitch who can smile in front of you while talk shit bout you behind your back. if i hate you, i show it. if i don't like anything that u did, i told you. why?? because i'm different. i'm not an ordinary bitch. i'm beyond your imagination. maybe i can smile brightly sometimes, but i can really turn into the worst bitch you ever met when you hurt me. trust me.

no mood. keep silence won't help me.so i'm typing my heart content here since i can't cry. the tears won't come out. n my chest is hurting me. i'm suffocating here. you just go n enjoy yourself. so, tomorrow, make this clear. am i a family or just some bitch in your life.