i'm very confident in myself.even people keep telling me that i have nothing,,,but for me, i don't need anything to have this confidence in myself. i speak my head out loud. if something is wrong from my perspective, i talk bout it. but, i do accept others opinion. as for me, i really need others advice in making decision.
these confidence that i have always make my name's written in the other people-i-hate list. so what? i just can't pretend everything is alright when i know there's something wrong. my confidence also make me very protective. i'm protective to myself, and also the people that i concern. this habit makes me got many busy-body sticker on my head. but, do i even care?? the hell with others way of looking at me. i don't want to act all innocent and harmless in front of others just to make people like me. i prefer to show my true nature so people won't hate me for being cruel as they know that's just my nature.
my confidence that i have always bring me trouble. but i know, i have done nothing wrong by speaking my head out. i have confidence in many aspects. i even have the confidence to question my superior decision when i felt something is not right there. but, i do express my argument in manner. well...i'm a good girl after all. the only thing that i don't have confidence in?? RELATIONSHIP. why? dunno. maybe because i'm a coward. i even afraid to make friends because i can't stand betrayal. i can't stand the hurt of being betrayed by the people i trust. i can't stand separation. i don't want to shed tears because of someone. i hate tears, actually. that's my ego side.
my true color? maybe some people can't understand me. they kept asking why do i behave that way. my answer? simple. because that is me, not you or the me you expect. i wont change myself just because you said you hate this side of me. berterus terang. that sounds like me. i'm not the 'makan dalam' type or whatever terms people use that give the same meaning.
if i had done something so wrong, do tell me. please tell me to my face so i won't have to listen the cruel words from others. maybe i need sometime to recover but i'll accept those words openhearted. i'm not some egoistic bitch who thinks about herself only. i realize i live in a society. even i hate socializing, but i do care what happen around me. and i do care others opinion. i'm not the type who will rejected others opinion without considering them.
now, i'm learning how to say 'sorry' and 'thank you'. why?? because i hate to use that words in my everyday conversation. i have this mindset 'friends don't say sorry and thank you'. but i do realize, not everybody understand my way of thinking and they still demanding for apology and appreciation. well, do me a favor. don't say those words to me if you are my friend. i still holding into my ideology that "FRIENDS DON'T SAY SORRY AND THANK YOU'
moral of the story: I'M NOT A HEARTLESS BITCH.
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